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More fan mail from my family and friends who keep sending me stuff that you’d think they wouldn’t forward their liberal, tree hugging, hippy relative who lives in the land of “The Gays” and doesn’t even own a car. Can you imagine? No car?! I mean, he rides a bike to work! The most recent is a letter written by Rick Mathes about his run-in with a Muslim imam at a prison workshop. The letter asserts:

1. The Muslim religion is the fastest growing religion per capita in the United States, especially amongst minorities.
2. That Muslims are assured a place in heaven by killing an infidel.

I’m really not even sure where to start, but I’ll give it a shot. So here are a few counterpoints to this letter. Feel free to pass them on to your own friends and family if and when you get this chain letter.

1. Actually, the fastest growing religious identity in the United States is “none”. In fact, the number of people describing themselves as having no religious identity has doubled since 1990.
2. The definition of infidel (a term originally coined by Christians to describe Muslims during the Crusades) is “a non-believer”. Most Muslims generally accept that Christians and Jews believe in God, which makes sense when you take into account that Jews, Christians and Muslims all believe in the same God. The major sticking point is exactly who the messiah is; Jews don’t believe he/she has come yet, Christians believe it was Jesus and Muslims believe it was Muhammad. It should also be pointed out that the Old Testament is the Jewish Torah and that Muslims believe both the Torah and Bible to be the gospel of God.
3. Don’t miss the Snopes.com page, which includes a reversed version of the letter and refutes the claim the minister was talking to an actual imam.

Today the Metropolitan Airports Commission voted 11-0 in favor of penalties for cab drivers who refuse to transport drivers who are carrying alcohol and other legal merchandise that might be against Muslim religion. Now, if we could get the American Pharmaceutical Association to do the same for those religious zealots that refuse to hand out birth control and the day after pill we’ll be all set.

Seriously, if you’re such a religious zealot why on God’s/Allah’s green earth are you performing said job? I know that I, personally, would never take a job that might require me to ignore my own moral compass, so why did you?

What’s next? Jewish waiters refusing to serve me bacon?

A family member of mine sent me one of those ultra-patriotic/conservative mail forwards that was, essentially, a “Bill of Non-Rights” that included a bunch of “get off your lazy ass and get a job” language and two things, in particular, I find laughable.

This is an English speaking country. We don’t care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!

I submit that this country, from the very beginning, was multi-lingual and multi-national. I know for a fact that my ancestors didn’t speak English when they arrived, rather they spoke German and French. America is not, nor has it ever been an English-only speaking country. In fact, about 28 million Americans over the age of 5 speak Spanish at home. There’s nothing wrong with being bilingual. In fact, that’s pretty cool if you ask me.

You do not have the right to change our country’s history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

Where to start? How about with the fact that “In God We Trust” wasn’t added to coins in America until the Civil War. Also, there’s that pesky fact that “One nation … under God” wasn’t added to the Pledge of Allegiance until 1954.

Now, please, let’s stop with the preposterous assertions that we’ve always been an English-only Christian nation. The truth is we’ve always been a multilingual multicolored nation and it’s only getting moreso. California, for instance, became the first state in the union in 2000 to be a minority-majority population (meaning there’s more of “them” than “us” if that’s how you think).

Maybe a better solution is to follow the Bill of Rights as they are, which guarantee the right to speak any language you want and practice any religion you want. And, guess what, it’s actually been like that from the beginning.

The state of Texas is up in arms about the fact that the governor had the nerve to require that the HPV vaccine be given to all 6th grade girls. The nerve! A vaccine that prevents cancer?! Given to my daughters?! Blasphemy!

Their reasoning? It promotes promiscuity. Please. How about you do what every other self-respecting parent does when faced with an uncomfortable situation with their children: lie. Tell them it’s a vaccine that prevents cancer and leave it at that. How about having a responsible conversation about safe sex instead of pretending that your daughter is different and won’t have premarital sex.

I’ll let you in on a little secret; 9 out of 10 Americans practice premarital sex. That study includes women from the 1940’s as well so you older folks can’t get all holy on us younger people.

My vote is every girl is vaccinated and we cross our fingers that cervical cancer and HPV is abolished in the same manner that polio was for our parents.

To absolutely nobody’s surprise the Justice Department’s inspector found the FBI to be guilty of “serious misuse” of the power’s granted to it via the PATRIOT Act to secretly request a person’s financial, banking and phone records. What I find laughable is that the audit says that there were no indications that any of the activity “constituted criminal misconduct.”

I find this laughable because these rules are actually laws governing how the FBI can use these powers. They’re not guidelines; they’re law. Normally, when a person or entity doesn’t work within the letter of the law they’re guilty of criminal misconduct in some form or another. How this isn’t the case here I’ll never know.

On a slightly higher note it is refreshing to see a head of a public agency take fully responsibility for the misconduct of their agency. Mueller, the head honcho of the FBI, plainly stated, “”I am to be held accountable.”

I’m looking at you Bush. I’m also eyeing you Cheney.